Business Trips Are No Fun For The Housewife
by thewiselittleowl
Summary: Eren has to go away for a business trip, leaving his boyfriend Levi home alone. Levi has a big surprise planned for when Eren comes home, but he just wishes that these damn business trips wouldn't take so long!
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to the cutest Levi cosplayer ever, dontletmefangirl.

* * *

"Levi, you have to let go!" Eren laughed, tugging at the shorter males arm as he snuggled into Eren's chest, holding onto him tightly. "I'll miss my flight if you don't let go!" Levi tilted his head up slightly, meeting Eren's bright gaze.

"Do you _have_ to go? I'm sure you could just say you are sick or something, just get that stupid horse-face to go instead, you work enough of his shifts when he gets sick." Levi grumbled, arms still wrapped tightly around his boyfriend. It bothered him, that Eren had to fly off to some foreign country for work, when he could just Skype them or something. But Eren had assured him it was vitally important to go over and discuss arrangements personally, and that he had gotten the shortest amount of time possible for this business trip.

"Don't call Jean that, it's rude." Eren scolded, pulling on Levi's hair gently. Levi hissed at the sudden sensation, and Eren chuckled. "I wish I could truthfully say I'm sorry, but you deserved that."

"You are a shitty brat, and I will never let you go. That was a real dick move." Levi growled, turning slightly to hide the beginnings of a hard-on. Eren knew damn well that he liked his hair getting pulled, and he was definitely doing it deliberately. "Please stay." Levi sighed, looking away, a light blush tinting his cheeks. "I hate it when you leave, I get so lonely." It wasn't often that Eren had to go away for work, but they both definitely felt the loss it brought.

Eren grabbed Levi's chin, and turned his face to look at him. "I miss you too." He sighed, tenderly running his thumb over Levi's flushed cheeks. "I'll get back soon, and we can go out to that fancy restaurant you love so much, promise." A car honking it's horn out front made them both jump. "I think that's my lift. I love you so much, I'll call you as soon as I arrive. I promise. Now come on, give me my kiss good bye!" Eren soothed, and looked surprised as the lump clinging to him began to walk him out of the door. "Hey! Levi, I'm gonna fall if you keep doing that!" His eyes widened in fear, and he shuffled backwards, hoping that Levi wouldn't let him fall. "Hang on, how can you see?" He froze, resisting Levi''s attempts to push him out of the door. Levi had buried his head into the crook of Eren's neck, and was still nuzzling the visible skin.

"I can't see, but I said I wouldn't let you go. So I haven't." Levi growled, and he bit down onto the skin he had been nuzzling.

"I'll ti- Aaah! Levi, no!" He yelled, as Levi began to nibble on his neck. "People on the plane are going to see the marks! Stop!" He felt his partner began to shake, and then he realised that Levi was laughing.

"Brat, did I hear you say you were going to tickle me?" Levi asked suspiciously, as his cheerful laughs subsided.

"Uh, yes?" Eren answered, cautiously. He knew of Levi's aversion to tickling, and had planned to exploit his weakness in order to catch his flight on time. The next thing he knew, Levi was on the other side of the hallway, holding his sides and glaring at him, hunched up protectively over his sensitive stomach.

"Levi~" Eren whined. "Just give me my kiss already."

"No. Jerk, you were going to tickle me!" Levi hissed, frowning at him.

"Fine. I guess I'll just have to give Erwin your kiss then." He shrugged, and flounced out the door with his bag, not giving a second look to his fuming boyfriend, of whom he was sure was currently pouting. Had Levi been able to see Eren's face, he would have seen the massive smirk as Eren counted down to how long it took for Levi to give up on his temper tantrum, and kiss him good-bye. Within moments, just as he was nearing the boot of the taxi to put his bag in, he heard thundering footsteps coming down the driveway. Eren dropped his bag, and turned in surprise. It sounded as though Levi was… Running?

"Oof!" Eren cried out, as Levi launched himself at the brunet, wrapping his legs tightly around Eren's waist, and hugging him fiercely. He felt a pair of lips press roughly against his, and he wrapped his arms around Levi, supporting him. "Fine." Levi panted. "There's your good-bye kiss. Don't you dare let Erwin touch you, or I'll rip off your balls, and staple them to your forehead. Got it?"

Eren laughed, and kissed him again. "I get it. I'll see you soon, okay? Just please, don't scare the mailman again, check to make sure it's actually Hange you are ambushing." Levi and Hange liked to play pranks on each other, however last time Levi tried to scare Hange, he had jumped out and grabbed the postman. Thank goodness their postman had a good sense of humour, and had only laughed when Levi had apologised, and explained that he had mistaken her for his friend.

"That was one time! Now put me down, before I kick you." Levi threatened, and Eren chuckled again.

"Okay, okay. Calm down, shorty." Levi's mouth fell open.

"Excuse me? I think I just heard you asking for a kick in the nuts." He threatened. Eren winced, and kissed his forehead.

"Love you." He whispered, resting his forehead upon Levi's.

"Love you too." Levi whispered back, as he unwrapped his legs from Eren's waist, and stepped back.

Eren swung his bag into the open boot, and slid into the waiting car. "Sorry for the wait, Erwin." He apologised. He waved to Levi as they back down the driveway, and blew him a kiss. "He hates saying good bye, I think he gets lonely."

"It's fine." Grinned the Erwin, waving to Levi as well. "It's nice to see you kids so in love with each other. Sorry to separate you two, but it's vital that this meeting goes to plan."

Eren snorted. "Erwin, I'm seven years younger than you, and Levi is three years younger than you. We are hardly kids." Eren jumped as his phone buzzed in his pocket, interrupting him.

"Already?" Erwin chuckled. "You've left him for what, five minutes?" Eren blushed, and pulled out his phone, opening up a text from Levi.

I have replaced you with the cat.

Rude, I thought I was your one true love

You were. But then you said you had Erwin

I was kidding!

New image from Scary Midget

"Well?" Erwin asked, looking rather amused.

"He replaced me already! With the cat! He even took a photo of the cat on my side of the bed, wearing my cleaning headband! That was a special gift from Levi, for keeping my hair out of the way while I clean! And he's got cat hair all over it!" Eren spluttered, looking surprised at the photo.

Erwin let out a loud, booming laugh. "I know what that boyfriend of yours is like, it'll be spotless by the time you get back. Ah, you two certainly are an odd pair." He mused, and flicked on the radio. "Now then, how about I let you two text in peace?"

This is going to be a multi-chaptered fic, with a bit of a surprise towards the end. I figured if I posted this part, I'd finish it quicker for you guys. You can find me on tumblr at thewiselittleowl.


	2. Chapter 2

Ah, sorry for the delay! My cold got very bad, and I couldn't concentrate on writing. I'll be overseas during the school holidays for the first week, and working two jobs for the second week, but if I get time, I'll write more on the third chapter.

* * *

Levi closed the door, and sighed, slumping against the cold wood. The house felt so lonely and empty without Eren bumbling around, singing whatever song was stuck in his head. A gentle nudge against his leg brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked down to see their Russian Blue cat, Amelie, butting her head against his leg. Thankful for the distraction – he'd rather not spend the day wallowing in self pity after all – he bent down to pick her up. She purred, and nuzzled into his chest, warm and soft against him. He sighed again, and, dragging his feet, he wandered into the silence of their bedroom. He gently placed the cat down on Eren's side of the bed, and moved to cuddle up with her, when he noticed Eren's cleaning clothes were still out, lying crumpled on the floor.

"You have got to be kidding me." Levi muttered, moving to pick up the dirty clothes. He froze, as an idea struck him. A smirk slowly spread across his face, and he turned to Amelie. "Hey Am, who's a good kitty." He crooned, and stroked her gently. She began to purr, and lean into his hand. He gently slid the headband on over her ears, and tucked it under her. Her purring didn't hesitate for even a second, and he pulled out his phone and took a quick photo. _Serves you right for leaving me alone._ Levi thought maliciously, as he opened his text messages to Eren, and tapped out a quick message.

I have replaced you with the cat.

He chuckled as a response arrived back almost instantaneously.

Rude, I thought I was your one true love

You were. But then you said you had Erwin

I was kidding!

New image sent

He suddenly found that he felt slightly less lonely, texting Eren as though it was just an average day at work, and Eren would be home for dinner in a few hours. He had almost managed to forget how lonely he would be for the next few nights. He curled up on the bed next to Amelie, and smiled at his phone as it chirped again to let him know he had a new text message from Eren.

They texted for around an hour, before Eren had to turn off his phone to board the plane. As soon as Levi put down the phone though, he noticed how quiet the house was. He sighed yet again – he seemed to be doing a lot of that, he had noticed – and heard it echo around the house. It just felt so… Big, without Eren. "I really need to stop wallowing in self pity." Levi murmured to himself, and he rolled off the bed with a grunt. Picking up Eren's dirty clothes, he dumped them into the washing machine, along with the other few items of clothing in the washing basket. "May as well get all of this done." He muttered to himself.

_Knock knock knock._ Levi jolted up from unpacking the dishwasher, and went to open the door. "Levi~ I know you aren't dead, hurry up and open the door!" Hange yelled, impatiently banging on the door again.

"I'm coming, glasses, geez. Didn't your mother ever teach you some manners?" He yelled back, yanking open the door as Hange went to knock again.

"Boop!" She grinned, as she tapped his nose. He frowned at her, and pushed her hand away.

"What do you want?" He grumbled, stepping back to let her come in. She strode in, beaming at him.

"Aww, don't you just make the perfect image of a housewife in that apron?" She crooned, pinching his cheek.

"Oi, stop it glasses. I'm not in the mood. Besides, you avoided the question, why are you here?" He raised an eyebrow inquisitively at her, and she gasped. "I'm not in the mood for your messing around."

"It's worse than I thought! Quick, to the living room!" She yelled, grabbing Levi's arm and nearly yanking it out of its socket in her haste to get to the living room.

"What the hell are you doing? Let go, you'll rip my arm off!" He spat, yanking his arm out of her grip. "Look, I would really prefer to be on my own now." He muttered. "I finally have a chance to clean the house up, without him getting in the way, or 'trying to help'." Hange could practically see the quotation marks around his comment, and she flicked him.

Hange looked at him with pity. "I don't think so. You really miss him that much, huh? Well, I'm just going to have to distract you then!" She smiled tenderly at him. "C'mon, just like old times. I'll even break out the old Singstar set I _know _you still have."

Levi flushed at that. "You know Eren made me keep it! Fine, go get it. Maybe that will stop you pestering me, you overgrown child." Hange laughed, and saluted him.

"Yes sir!"

"Hange?" Levi panted, after a dramatic rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, encouraged by Hange's enthusiastic cheering and dancing. He really needed to calm down on the head banging too, his neck was starting to get a bit stiff. "I think we need a break. I'm about to starve to death, and I think we need something solid to break up the shit load of alcohol we've drunk." Hange flopped down onto the couch, and gave him a double thumbs up.

"Pizza sounds good about now. I can't be bothered waiting for you to cook something proper." She groaned into a cushion, voice muffled.

"Shit-for-brains, who said I'd be cooking anyway? I'm just going to order something." He growled at her, and jabbed her harshly in the side. She yelped, and jumped up, making room for him on the couch. Levi sat down with a huff, and raised an eyebrow at her.

"As long as we get something with a crap load of cheese, I'm good. And that hurt!" She whined, rubbing her side. "I'll have a bruise there tomorrow!" Levi snorted at her complaining.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Extra cheesy chicken pizza, with a garlic bread and Coke sound good?" Hange nodded enthusiastically, and her stomach let out a loud rumble. Hange laughed, and Levi gave a slight smile. "I better hurry up and order it, before you decide that eating my furniture is a good option." Levi huffed, and picked up his phone.

"Levi?" Hange asked, rubbing her stomach gingerly. "I think I ate too much." Levi rolled his eyes.

"No shit Sherlock! You scoffed almost an entire pizza, plus half the garlic bread! You're lucky I ordered two pizza's!" Levi grumped, kicking her lightly. She groaned, and stuck her middle finger up at him in response. "Ex-fucking-scuse me? What the hell was that?" Levi asked, a note of warning in his voice. Hange sighed heavily, and stuck up the other middle finger at him.

"I'm tired, leave me alone. Can I stay here tonight? Please?" She wheedled. Levi dug his feet under her, and kicked her off the couch. She sighed, and curled up on the floor where she'd landed. "You know what? I'm so sloshed, and full, that I'm just gonna sleep here." Levi chuckled, and stood up wearily, stretching out his back.

"Just sleep in the spare room, you'll freeze if you sleep on the floor, idiot." Levi scoffed, back popping. Hange perked up.

"Thanks!" She chirped, and let out a jaw-cracking yawn. "Yeesh, who knew so much singing would be so tiring?" Her eyes watered with the force of her yawn, and she rubbed sleepily at her eyes. "Hey Levi? It's good to see you back to normal. I don't like it when you're upset, you mope too much. " She smiled sleepily, and trudged down to the spare room. "Good night." She called back, and gave him a little two-fingered salute before shutting the door. Hange usually kept a set of clothes and pyjamas at their house, for the various unplanned times she stayed over.

Levi smiled gently at the closing door. "Thank you." He murmured. "Sleep well."

* * *

Sloshed is when you've had a lot of alcohol (Aussie slang may slip in, if that happens I'm sorry, just ask and I'll give a translation). Also, I think that Hange is actually a thoughtful person, she just likes to have fun. I also happen to absolutely love Singstar, and a friend and I sometimes get it out for old times sake. It never fails to cheer me up!


	3. Chapter 3

Levi yawned, and cracked open an eyelid, as he heard something bang in the kitchen. Grumbling sleepily to himself, he wandered down the hallway to the kitchen. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Levi barked, startling Hange. She jumped, and cracked her head on the counter. She stood up hurriedly, and brushed off her knees. She smiled warily at him, and kicked the bottom cupboard shut.

"Uh, just making coffee!" She chirped, picking up her steaming mug. She scurried out of Levi's way, and sat her mug down on the other side of the bench. "I'll uh, make you a coffee too, sound good?" Levi frowned at her, confused by her abnormal behaviour. She was acting like a guilty puppy, caught in the middle of misbehaving. He noticed she hadn't shut the cupboard properly, and curiously he opened it.

"Hange." He began, a low, dangerous note creeping into his voice. "You mixed up the lid for the coffee and the chocolate powder." Hange squeaked, and backed away. "Now, I'm going to ask you once. Did you, you disgusting pig, taint your coffee with this childish crap?" Hange's eyes widened, and she gave a sheepish grin.

"Maybe?" She tried. "Come on, it's delicious!" She defended when he raised an eyebrow at her. "If you hate it so much why do you even have chocolate powder in the cupboard?"

"Because _Eren_ likes it, you colossal moron." He hissed menacingly. He stalked towards Hange, and narrowed his eyes threateningly. "How dare you ruin my sleep, trying to wreck your coffee. I think it's payback time." Hange, still backing away, let out a gasp as she fell over the side of the couch. The next thing she knew, Levi was straddling her thighs. "Payback." He grinned, and proceeded to dig his fingers into her sides.

"Levi!" She shrieked, giggling as she thrashed and bucked, trying to dislodge him. "Stop! I'm gonna pee on your couch!" She warned, gasping for air between outbursts of laughter. Levi froze, and narrowed his eyes. She felt his weight move off of her, as he perched, ready to run if she was telling the truth, but also ready to resume the battle if he suspected her of lying. Hange flipped her legs up, kneed him in the back, and tugged him down by his hair at the same time.

"Fuck!" Levi gasped, as he fell forwards to face plant into Hange's boobs. "I can't breathe!" He growled, and wriggled to sit up again. "Why the fuck does everyone pull my hair!" He bemoaned. "You, you shit-stain, know perfectly well why I don't like people pulling my hair!" He stood up, and stalked over to the kitchen counter. He turned to glance at Hange, who was now sitting up, watching in interest to see what he was doing. He picked up her mug, raised it as if in a toast to her, and threw it down the sink. "Bitch." He smirked.

Hange wailed, and threw herself back down to lie to on the couch. She heard Levi snort at her overdramatic antics, and flipped him the bird. "Oho, feel like going another round?" He scoffed, rinsing out her mug. Hange groaned, and threw her arm over her face. "Thought not." He grumbled, and he turned to switch on the kettle.

"Jesus Christ!" She gasped, and jolted up. Levi jumped, and whirled around. She raced out of the room, heading towards the bathroom. "I forgot I needed to piss!" She cried, slamming the door behind her. Levi snorted again, and made up two cups of coffee, perfectly to his standards. None of that shitty chocolate mix would be ruining his coffee, at least while Eren wasn't there to mix the coffee and chocolate up. Frowning, he sat down at the bench, staring into his coffee. Thinking of Eren… 

"Hey Hange." He began tentatively, once she was back, and nursing her new cup of coffee. "I have something important I need your opinion on." He took a deep breath, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. With flush cheeks, he tentatively explained his situation.

"Oh my god! This is amazing!" Hange squealed excitedly. "Yes yes yes! But first, we gotta plan a right way to do this! And I'm going to take you shopping for it!" She grinned broadly at him, and jumped out of her seat. "Go get dressed!" She commanded sternly, bouncing on her toes. "We are going shopping!" She sung as she skipped down the hallway to get dressed. "Shopping shopping shopping!"

"Why now?" He grumped, obediently following her order. For Eren, he reminded himself. I have to do this for Eren. 

"Urgh." Levi collapsed face first onto the couch. " I'm going to need to sleep for an entire week to recover from that." He groaned. Hange laughed, and hummed to herself as she collected her car keys off of the bench.

"Well, good luck!" She chirped excitedly, and off she flounced, slamming the door behind her. Levi sighed, and gazed at the single shopping bag he had. Well, fuck. It's not like he could exactly get out of it now.

* * *

**_I was recently introduced to mixing chocolate powder into my coffee. I am a changed person (I'm kidding, but I love it!). I'm not going to spoil Levi's little surprise, but you can thank my friends for telling me I should make it a surprise (if you figure it out, please don't ruin it for anyone!). Sorry for the long time it took me to update, and the short chapter, but school has caught up with me, which sucks. I'm sorry for the formatting, but for some stupid reason is being a shit and won't let me format it differently (honestly, all I want is to have extra spacing between paragraphs!)_**


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